THE DARK SIDE OF DIY: A HOME REMEDY THAT ACTUALLY WORKS

You're working with heavy items. One of them falls and lands on a few of your toes.

Your big toenail changes colors instantly. The smaller toe takes its time, but it gets there eventually. Before long, the throbbing takes over, and the color no longer matters.

You remember that stupid RICE acronym? Rest, ice, compression, elevation--they fix everything! No, actually, they don't. They don't fix throbbing. Besides, compression was what got you in this situation in the first place. So...what to do?

You know what to do. You just don't want to do it. But if you follow the following steps, you'll find a level of relief that is simply fantastic.

Step 1: Smash something.

SCHOLAR FIXES DRYER, LEADS REVOLUTION WITH A WRENCH

Christopher Westley is an associate scholar at the Mises Institute. He teaches in the College of Commerce and Business Administration at Jacksonville State University. His original article can be viewed here (but I have fun with it in its entirety below).

Christopher Westley: (slowly rubs wrists) My clothes dryer went bust the day after Christmas, leading to one of the more common frustrations we face in the modern nation-state.

Analog Schemes: Oh. Hi there. The Emperor has been expecting you.

Christopher Westley:You see, there was a time when one’s dryer broke, the owner faced two options: have it repaired or buy a new one. The owner would weigh the costs and benefits of each, make a decision, and then move on to other things. But those days are gone. Now when an appliance goes on the fritz, a dreaded third option is increasingly being foisted upon us: that of fixing it yourself.

Analog Schemes: So, you have accepted the truth.

THE COLONOSCOPY PREGAMER

It's a personal State of the Union address, but with a longer punchline. Brought to you by Analog Schemes itself, because I couldn't find anyone else to sponsor the event (Blue Cross may end up as the title sponsor, but they're always playing hard-to-get with these types of things).

You don't need me to make comparisons to anything, really. It's the digital test to end all digital tests. And while the pregaming drink of choice seems to have been named by a marketing guy with a gun to his head (WHAT'S THE NAME OF THE PRODUCT, FUNNY MAN? WHAT DOES IT DO???), there isn't a need for exaggeration. Here's your Suprep Bowel Prep Kit. There's less to drink, the nurse practitioner said, but the game makers decided to take it out on the name.

—  The Pregame Checklist  —

The day before, you get to eat Jello and drink clear liquids. The camera has a hard time seeing through spiced rum.

SIZE MATTERS

I suppose. We're talking differentials here--specifically, Ford 7.5" and 8.8" differentials.

I'm not a fan of taking the higher-the-number-the-better approach. Making choices based on higher numbers is for insurance companies and people who don't know any better. And it tends to be the more expensive approach. Yet, for those who care to know, a 5.45X39 round shoots farther, faster, and more accurately than a 7.62X39 round. So there's that.

When I purchased a used axle unit to replace the damaged unit in my pickup, I thought I was purchasing an axle with a 7.5" differential. I drove up to Nordstrom's Automotive in Garretson, SD last week, strapped the axle to a carrier attached to Dolly's hitch--Dolly is the name of my '89 Oldsmobile Delta 88, named after its previous owner--and carefully drove home.

#SOTU NONSENSE: RECKLESS RESPONSIBILITY

From tonight's State of the Union:

Misty DeMars is a mother of two young boys. She’d been steadily employed since she was a teenager. She put herself through college. She’d never collected unemployment benefits. In May, she and her husband used their life savings to buy their first home. A week later, budget cuts claimed the job she loved. Last month, when their unemployment insurance was cut off, she sat down and wrote me a letter – the kind I get every day. “We are the face of the unemployment crisis,” she wrote. “I am not dependent on the government…Our country depends on people like us who build careers, contribute to society…care about our neighbors…I am confident that in time I will find a job…I will pay my taxes, and we will raise our children in their own home in the community we love. Please give us this chance.”

Congress, give these hardworking, responsible Americans that chance. They need our help, but more important, this country needs them in the game.

Don't hit. Don't steal.

And don't use your life savings to buy a home, even if it means you owe nothing in terms of a mortgage. There's more to living than owning, especially when you still owe on something you claim to own. Your success may depend on some hitting and stealing, even if you're not the one doing it. 

FA LA LA LA LA, WHAT THE...

I was driving along in my 1998 Ford Ranger the other day, listening to Christmas music in January. It's what I had in the CD player. All was merry and bright until the tune suddenly didn't sound right.

For those who are unaware, my Ranger is not a diesel.

A DYNASTY OF DIVISION (BASED ON A LIE)

Phil Robertson said something.

A mob noticed and reacted.

Another mob did likewise.

The details are irrelevant. The names have changed, but the rule is the same: if you're not gay, you can't say anything less than positive about gays without suffering consequences. Phil Robertson broke the rule. Phil Robertson is suffering the consequences. Popularity aside, there's nothing new here. Just a new application of the same rule.

It's a rule which requires division. What caused the division is beyond the scope of this inspection.

But the division is based on a lie. When you believe a lie, you give it power. When you give it power, you're doing worse than doing nothing (an act which many would term “isolationism”). When you believe this lie, it encourages participation in a coercive and destructive system. It gives sanction to evil. There is no virtue to be gained in choosing sides when the sides are defined by a lie. Don't participate! Show some pride, for God's sake—walk away!