Thursday, February 13, 2014


You're working with heavy items. One of them falls and lands on a few of your toes.

Your big toenail changes colors instantly. The smaller toe takes its time, but it gets there eventually. Before long, the throbbing takes over, and the color no longer matters.

You remember that stupid RICE acronym? Rest, ice, compression, elevation--they fix everything! No, actually, they don't. They don't fix throbbing. Besides, compression was what got you in this situation in the first place. So...what to do?

You know what to do. You just don't want to do it. But if you follow the following steps, you'll find a level of relief that is simply fantastic.

Step 1: Smash something.

Step 2: Get the necessary equipment. You may want to ice whatever you're drilling, but that didn't seem to help in my case. So have a shot of your favorite vice, (if you're a sissy like me), sanitize the drill bit (with rubbing alcohol, of course), and find a place where you can make a mess. (I photographed at my desk, but I have standards--I performed the procedure on the floor).

Step 3: Get to drilling. Most people will tell you to just use your fingers. What a joke--that would take hours with my toenails. So I used a regular drill--I went slow and didn't use much pressure.

Step 4: Find relief. Let it bleed for a while. When it clots, put a drop of warm water on it and let it keep going. The change in color is rapid, and the throbbing stops almost as quickly.

Step 5: Install a band-aid.

Step 6: Wear you steel toe boots when you're working in the garage, genius!