A DYNASTY OF DIVISION (BASED ON A LIE)

Phil Robertson said something.

A mob noticed and reacted.

Another mob did likewise.

The details are irrelevant. The names have changed, but the rule is the same: if you're not gay, you can't say anything less than positive about gays without suffering consequences. Phil Robertson broke the rule. Phil Robertson is suffering the consequences. Popularity aside, there's nothing new here. Just a new application of the same rule.

It's a rule which requires division. What caused the division is beyond the scope of this inspection.

But the division is based on a lie. When you believe a lie, you give it power. When you give it power, you're doing worse than doing nothing (an act which many would term “isolationism”). When you believe this lie, it encourages participation in a coercive and destructive system. It gives sanction to evil. There is no virtue to be gained in choosing sides when the sides are defined by a lie. Don't participate! Show some pride, for God's sake—walk away!

I WELCOME MYSELF TO [YOUR CITY]: THE FORM LETTER

When your company or organization is based on a cluster of blind ambition—and you look to hire the most ambitious person you can find to be your leader, regardless of loyalty—there can be a good deal of turnover at the helm of your organization.

Since turnover can lead to a lack of continuity on your organization's mission statement, code of "ethics," or promotional materials (web site, pamphlets, etc.)—after all, each new person will probably want to say the same thing using his or her own words regarding an introduction—Analog Schemes has created a user-friendly form letter which will allow your organization to skip the pleasantries and simply say what needs to be said.

Simply fill in the blanks, ambitious company/organization, and keep on tending the souls of your flock.

HOW TO REPLACE A KEYBOARD ON THE FORD OF LAPTOPS (TOSHIBA C-655 SERIES)

The dismissal of Ford as an acronym for "fix or repair daily" is shortsighted. All parts break. Ford seems to understand this. So they made it easier to replace the parts (as compared to any GM vehicle I have ever encountered).

And so it is with laptops. Or at least with laptop keyboards--I've replaced four of them in the past two years, and I'm not a violent typer. On two keyboards, the finger-placement nubs (on the F and J keys) wore off, and the third had a Coke emptied into it. The fourth was a replacement that had a bad space bar.

V FOR INEVITABLE?

Just over 400 years ago, Guy Fawkes—one of 13 men who conspired in what is known as the Gunpowder Plot—was caught in an attempt to assassinate King James I and blow up the House of Lords.

The Gunpowder Plot may have been a failure, but the country was in poor enough shape that it eventually fell into civil war in 1642 anyway. At the time, British monarchy was controlling many aspects of their subjects' lives—from what they could wear to how they could worship. The British economy was under the control on a single individual who indebted the state, impeded growth,and inhibited personal freedom. Not exactly a a recipe for long-term success.

Are things so different here today? We have laws regulating everything from tobacco and alcohol consumption to what we can and cannot eat. The federal government is in such debt that no one seems to even care anymore. And like the situation that led to the Gunpowder Plot, a small, elite group controls almost every aspect of the economy—taxation, regulation, and the money supply.

What should make anyone think things will end differently this time?

A Toast to Brian and Susie Leuschen

For those who weren't there, the following was what I had the privilege of saying last Friday at the rehearsal dinner for the wedding of Brian Leuschen and Susie Dobel. It was pretty distilled—no jokes, no roasting, but absolutely true:

I've known Brian since 1990, so for those of you who don't know Brian: if you're a guy, Brian embodies just about every quality you want to see in yourself. And if you're a girl, then you want to be Susie. The reason is pretty simple—Brian is a true gentleman.

What does it mean to be a true gentleman? When I think about it—when I try to think about all of the true stories I know, it's not about a list of stories that prove with great gusto anything about Brian. It's more about all of the stories that simply don't prove otherwise. Brian isn't one to sell you as a gentleman, a guy who's going to charm you in public just for the sake of appearance. Time and time again, Brian has simply proven that he is who he is. You couldn't ask for a better husband.

As for Susie, my memory of our first meeting is pretty hazy—Brian had a party a few years ago, and Susie was there. But in the time that we have spent together since, I have known Susie to be beautiful, fun, and sweet. Brian seems to think the same and more. And that's all I have to know. Brian and Susie make a great couple, and that's what matters. 

So everyone lift your glass: here's to Brian, Susie, a beautiful day tomorrow, and a long and happy marriage. Cheers.

SMOKE DETECTORS VS. FIRE EXTINGUISHERS

Part of performing insurance inspections involves asking homeowners some pretty basic questions. Among these questions are: 1) do you have any smoke detectors, 2) do you have any carbon monoxide detectors, and 3) do you have any fire extinguishers?

85% of all interviews result in a “yes” to #1. Carbon monoxide detectors lag a bit, but my memory puts them at 50-60%.

Fire extinguishers, on the other hand, appear to be more of a generational thing. When the age of the insured is 60+, then I would put the percentage of those having extinguishers at 60%. And not just one extinguisher—if a 60+ insured has one, then he or she often comes out and indicates (without prompting) that there's an extinguisher in the kitchen, basement, attic, and garage.

As an aside—care to guess which group makes up a lot of the 15% who don't have smoke detectors?

As for younger insureds, stating that 25% having a single fire extinguisher would be a generous estimation, but generosity is acceptable to this story. The point is that a gap exists, and it appears to be age-related.

What to make of this gap? An oversimplification is that younger people seem to be more inclined to dial 911, GTFO, and let the authorities deal with a problem. Older folks prefer to have the ability to take action before following the same pattern, even if such an ability is more of an illusion. While one can't put out every fire with a fire extinguisher, I've yet to hear of anyone who can successfully fight a fire with a cell phone. When seconds count and the fire station is minutes away—or when a fire is still small enough to spare a house—at least having the option would seem prudent.

ROOMBA NOT LIKING BLACK CARPET? THE FIX!

Roomba wasn't liking the black carpet. Roomba seemed to think that the black carpet was either 1) a hole in the ground, or 2) a bunch of stairs that it was about to fall down.

The fix according to iRobot? There's nothing you can do.

The fix according to those own screwdrivers? Get out the screwdriver!

There's multiple sets of LED-looking sensors that need to see each other in order for Roomba to move forward, and black carpet apparently prevents these sensors from seeing each other. So you have a choice to make--do you want your Roomba to not fall down the stairs while avoiding black carpet like the plague, or do you want Roomba to vacuum all of your carpet while risking a tumble down the stairs?

If you want the latter, the fix involves removing the aforementioned sensors from their holders and making sure that they can see each other. In my case, I simply taped them together:

The result is a Roomba that goes anywhere. Fearlessly. So if you've got a house with stairs and you do this, consider yourself warned--and your black carpet clean!